O__o

~ Friday, June 17 ~
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long time no loggy in; tumblr’s seemed to change its layout— so either they’ve hidden the people that follow me, or absolutely everyone removed me from their follow-list; which is entirely possible & understandable. i am looking to get back into blogging but not here. i want to erase this one and forget it ever existed. i already made a new one but haven’t made any posts or added very much to it. my tumblr’s name is evictedfromreality__add me if interested. i will readd a couple of you, but other than that, i’m gonna vanish…FOREVER. dun dun dunnnnn


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~ Monday, April 25 ~
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dumb ass update before class.

I will be taking a break for the next couple weeks because everything is crazy at the moment.  I have been having a bit of anger issues with some of the main people in my life—i need to use that lesiure time to get those feelings rested and situated.  I need more moments to relax, read a book, take a long bubble bath & just stare off into space while listening to music. I am not getting a break anymore, be it from work or from people. that is mostly my fault because over the past two weeks i’ve found myself almost addicted to running around without a second to contemplate shit over. even on the internet i had mostly only been doing goal oriented things, so even that isnt easy-like.

my last week of school is in two weeks and i have some major assignments due—i really want to get A’s this semester, but after a fuck up today, I don’t know if all of those will be possible. As previously stated, my sketch comedy show is May 9th and I am in  8 scripts I believe and have to have all those lines memorized.  My stand-up appearance at Gotham is May 15th and I feel uncomfortable with my last performance, so I’m totally rewriting it & better prepping myself for the show. I have an interview this thursday for an internship at a film company, and an internship interview next week at the producers guild of america. i need to really find a job where i can gain some income because i am dead broke and desperate for money—digging change out of the backseat of my dad’s car is getting old fa sho.

ANYWAY-gotta rush off. i WILL be making a new tumblr account, which will be very boring: it will only be about achieving aspirations and self-discovery. i will follow barely anyone that i follow now from off here, but those that i do, it’s a compliment! i’m intrigued and interested in your writings and what you have to say. for those i don’t…sorry. till’ later. xox


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~ Saturday, April 23 ~
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nearly 5 am, drunk off my ass…frustrated beyond belief. i can’t believe this is my relationship. its been so long since ive been this angry. the blood in me is boiling, i feel like i could kill this man, the ungrateful son of a bitch he is.


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~ Tuesday, April 19 ~
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ishotbiggiesmalls:

Slum Village - Climax (Girl Shit)


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reblogged via the-notorious-f-a-t-deactivated
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absentee

My computer died over a week ago, and then a couple days after that the other one in my house collapsed as well, so I have been enduring a bit of a tech melt down these past few days. But, right now I am typing on a laptop that was handed over by some IC tech dude free of charge. It’s not 100% mine yet—some files need to be removed given this is used—then it will be all mine. :) I have definitely been living under a rock because this is the first time I will be having a laptop and using one on a regular basis, and let me tell you: it’s a pretty sweet deal to be under the covers of my beddie bye & typing online at the same time. it’s the little things, kids. I need to transfer my music, writings and pictures over here and then everything will be set. I haven’t had a new computer system since 2002/2003 so excuse my rant; I’m just super excited!! lol

Anyway, school is rounding up to a close with only a couple weeks left. In May I’ll be part of a sketch comedy show, and then I still have my stand-up performance at Gotham to look forward to.  I really am trying to boost up my GPA; really was aiming for straight A’s. I have a feeling I at least will be receiving 4 A’s and 1 B (took 5 courses) but if i could get that 4.0, I would be doing backflips in the school parking lot.  I have dropped out of school twice and I have learned my lesson by doing so.  Never in a previous time have I been more motivated to make sure my grades are on point than now.  My heart was not in school and I didn’t truly get the value of learning.  Now…there’s so much I want to explore and learn—I am completely hungry for success.  I want to do and be so much in such a tiny, alloted time, and the only thing that stands as a limitation now is the time, the need for sleep and any unconfidence that may still be lingering in my head.  I registered for fall 2011 already, and will be taking 6 courses, but I also plan on auditioning for a play, as well as joining the student film association and student public relation association because I know those will teach me how to use the proper software for the internships that I’m looking for, and add a bunch of other zings to my resume that will make me stand out.

As noted above, it is quite obvious the internship hunt has been going pretty shitty.  I send out new applications nearly every day at this point.  It pisses me off that I was literally on the edge of gaining one, especially ones at very prestigous places, and it was taken from me.  I’m not going to give up though, nor will I forget about it because I know in order to get  a decent job in social media, public relations, film production, or a talent agency, i need experience & thats the only place to grab some without previously having any.

Things with my boyfriend are as perfect as can be, and Im very lucky I am dating someone I have such a strong connection with. Our humor is literally the same (which is rare for me) our music tastes are the same, our tastes in nearly EVERYTHING are the same…he’s sweet…he tells me to sleep while he makes breakfast…he’s adventurous…he gets along really well with my family & friends…he gives me sporatic kisses and massages…i could go on and on. our relationship is the best its ever been, and its almost like im dating a completely different person this time around. I just feel so fortunate and blessed <3 ill shut the fuck up now

I am thinking of deleting this tumblr & creating a new one. there’s just something about this one that no longer suits me. i like the name fuckexpectations, but… it just doesnt seem relevant at the time being. i want to start fresh, & just start over. my new tumblr would probably be a lot more boring & mundane. if i decide to make a new tumblr, the world will know. & no one from here will follow me bc no one reads this. <3


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starslookdown:

Exactly why I don’t watch rom-coms.

 that&#8217;s sad&#8230;

starslookdown:

Exactly why I don’t watch rom-coms.

 that’s sad…


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reblogged via ladyugh
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nickholmes:

Thanks Internet.

nickholmes:

Thanks Internet.


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reblogged via nickholmes
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As I get older, I get smaller. I see other parts of the world I didn’t see before. Other points of view. I see outside myself more.
Neil Young (via folktheworld)

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reblogged via naojamilet-deactivated20111021-
~ Tuesday, April 12 ~
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sade:

Hahahahahahaha I’m dead

sade:

Hahahahahahaha I’m dead


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reblogged via sade
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reblogged via hearusmedia
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nickholmes:

Soon, even the danger won’t be enough.

nickholmes:

Soon, even the danger won’t be enough.


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reblogged via nickholmes
~ Friday, April 8 ~
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i guess next week would be the cut-off point for being informed whether or not i received the internship. feeling like i’m not going to get it is honestly heart sinking. it’s literally like having your dream dangled in your face & promised to you, but then abruptly the controller of it decided to snatch it back and it completely disappeared. i wanted this so badly…it meant too much to me. i’m just sitting with my fingers crossed at this point, but the signs are not pointing to anything wonderful…


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holy crap. i&#8217;m looking through photos that are a couple years old when i dyed my hair dark. i kinda miss it, but the upkeep was far too strenuous. my hair&#8217;s naturally blond, so once the roots start to grow in i legitimately look like a skunk, lol. also, the reason why i dyed my hair in the first place was because i felt it was something that aesthetically placed me into the &#8220;stupid moron&#8221; category. i felt people automatically labeled me as dumb because of my hair color&#8212;the idea of that is dumb, but i was 19-20, and i suppose there&#8217;s no better age to be dumb than at that time.
i also at first dyed my hair because the guy i liked at the time, told me that he preferred brunettes. i cared about him a lot, and did for years, and really wanted to be with him, so i did everything i could to change my appearance to fit what i believed was his physical type. the realization that i did this disgusts me&#8212;how insecure and naive can a person be? for that reason alone makes me never want to change my natural attributes ever again.
regardless&#8230;i still miss it.

holy crap. i’m looking through photos that are a couple years old when i dyed my hair dark. i kinda miss it, but the upkeep was far too strenuous. my hair’s naturally blond, so once the roots start to grow in i legitimately look like a skunk, lol. also, the reason why i dyed my hair in the first place was because i felt it was something that aesthetically placed me into the “stupid moron” category. i felt people automatically labeled me as dumb because of my hair color—the idea of that is dumb, but i was 19-20, and i suppose there’s no better age to be dumb than at that time.

i also at first dyed my hair because the guy i liked at the time, told me that he preferred brunettes. i cared about him a lot, and did for years, and really wanted to be with him, so i did everything i could to change my appearance to fit what i believed was his physical type. the realization that i did this disgusts me—how insecure and naive can a person be? for that reason alone makes me never want to change my natural attributes ever again.

regardless…i still miss it.